No One Talks in Aphorisms, or Why Lord Henry Should Have Died

WARNING: The following post contains spoilers for "The Picture of Dorian Gray." If you are somehow so culturally devoid (or having lived under a rock) you don't know the story of Dorian Gray and would like to remain unspoiled, you should recuse yourself immediately. If however, you've read the tome, are familiar with Dorian's end, or don't fancy reading it at some point in your life (a true mistake IMHO) you may read on. Yes, I'm aware how odd the tone of this is.

Even without having gotten to the fourth chapter, I knew Basil would come to a sticky (or perhaps pointy?) end. I'm sorry for that. He was too curious after all, having gone to visit Dorian one last time. "What a schmuck," I said to myself after he followed Dorian home once he saw him in the street. He should have just taken the uninterrupted wait at Dorian's as a sign to leave and never look back. He would have gone to Paris, become some celebrated painter for a time, then got addicted to absinthe or opium and died in an alley or bathhouse. But the poor sod, the poor lovesick idiot, he just had to chase after Dorian after seeing him on the street. Some people can't leave well-enough alone.

On that cliché bombshell, let's talk about Lord Henry Wotton, or Harry as he was called so frequently. I detest people like Lord Henry, so I refuse to refer to him as such a jovial nickname. Not to mention, if someone was a lord or a person of the peerage, would they let even their friends call them by a nickname, even back then? I'm not sure I suppose John Fitzgerald Kennedy was "Jack" to friends and family, but probably not once he was President of the United States. Be that as it may...